Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
we're so committed to being not committed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
