4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
