I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
