She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
