Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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