We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am never drinking with the goths again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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