Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
