Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
