I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
