Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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