i already hear my dad disowning me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
