omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
