Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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