Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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