there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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