The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have aggressive nipples.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
