i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
