Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
they need to just BURY HIM!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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