My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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