I just saw a hot homeless man
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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