Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
