he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
