I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
