this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need a burrito and a hug.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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