Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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