Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
