I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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