question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
