i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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