Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
