We're facebook friends in real life
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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