I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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