I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You're like the curious george of whores
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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