I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
