i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
