I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
