Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
