The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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