Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
