Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
