now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
