You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
