I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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