The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he thought i was a dude.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
