Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
