she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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