do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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