To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
