Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
