I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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