Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
