we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
