omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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