thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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