Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
