Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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